The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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