No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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