Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
