My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
