She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
