I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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