Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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