I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
