yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
