My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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