Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
