I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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