there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
