i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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