i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize