Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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