I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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