its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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