I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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