you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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