Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
