Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
