I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've blown a few things in my day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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