I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
