apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
