Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.

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  (845): i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie. http://tfl.nu/9q37
  Replies (6) Good night (2180) Bad night (565)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.

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  (512): If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch. http://tfl.nu/hocy
  Replies (39) Good night (1013) Bad night (1767)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm

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  (717): Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm http://tfl.nu/ao4q
  Replies (38) Good night (4405) Bad night (1962)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

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  (269): I don't know where I am but there are firefighters http://tfl.nu/dbyd
  Replies (18) Good night (6308) Bad night (1001)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (56) Good night (16146) Bad night (1404)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking

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  (401): I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking http://tfl.nu/uwdq
  Replies (4) Good night (2083) Bad night (903)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
  Replies (7) Good night (2706) Bad night (755)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

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  (618): the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!! http://tfl.nu/py94
  Replies (3) Good night (1758) Bad night (506)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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  (908): Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka? http://tfl.nu/zznq
  Replies (2) Good night (1055) Bad night (348)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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  (864): Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah http://tfl.nu/n16g
  Replies (2) Good night (696) Bad night (210)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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  (734): My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know. http://tfl.nu/ov06
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (191)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.

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  (937): Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog. http://tfl.nu/gtv2
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (237)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?

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  (479): Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends? http://tfl.nu/q9dz
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (530)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.

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  (203): Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork. http://tfl.nu/n6pn
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (195)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"

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  (412): We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird" http://tfl.nu/4bz0
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (222)

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