My liver just broke up with me...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
