Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time