mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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