Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
bring money and cleavage
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
