Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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