awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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