you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
