We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You took a bar mat shot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
