i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why can't burritos get me drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
