I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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