nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
