covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
