I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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