maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
