You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize