You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
