btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
