my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
