Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
