OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
