I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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