I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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