so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
