Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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