White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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