I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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