My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So much rum. So many feels.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
