i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
