some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
