Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
