its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
