I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
