were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
