guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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