he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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