You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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