The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
