FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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