So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
