i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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