The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i dont even know how to be here
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
