are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
